Well good news! After a few disappointments, we have finally chosen an Egg Donor who will be ready for us in January. We wait now to see if our chosen Surrogate will be available. Crossing our fingers and toes. I was disappointed about not being able to get our first choices for ED's, but our final choice has a trait that makes me feel especially good about her - she has my mother's smile. She was the first donor I saw and right away I thought how beautiful she was and how amazing she has my mothers mouth - The Hurley mouth I always called it and always wished I had it too. My mom said I did, but I don't think so. It would be amazing to see that smile in my and Alcy's child. A little bitter sweet too without my mother here to share it with us...but I know she will be here in our hearts and helping us all the way through this. I can't help but think she has already started to help.
So things are looking up and it looks like we will be in Mumbai in late January. I can hardly believe it. So exciting but so scary at the same time....
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Backgrounder:
First, for my premier post, I want to make clear our reason's for embarking on this journey. This is a very personal decision for everyone who makes it and we are not any different. We have our own reasons for undertaking this journey and our own tribulations in taking this journey, which I am sure will lead to some controversy; some will sympathize and some will not. Such is life.
First, Alcy is 37, from Cuba and has never had children and as most will understand, this is his greatest desire at this time in his life. However, he chose to marry me, a Canadian, two and a half years ago and at 49 I am not able to have a child. ( As I said, there are controversies) We discussed this many times before we were married and Alcy always stuck to his belief that if God wanted him to have a child, he would have one. Coming from Cuba, Alcy knew nothing about Surrogacy and I never mentioned it to him until later in our marriage; of course he was interested. I tried to get him interested in adoption, but his response was always, "Okay, but after I have my own, biological, child first". I understood his reason, I have a son of my own, who is grown now, 30, and when you're able to reproduce your own genetic material, it is natural to want to do this.
For me, the decision to have a child, any child, at this point in my life was fraught with concerns. I have been there, done that, and although I really would have liked to have had more children, 10 or 15 years ago, I did not have a father in mind then. Having raised my son as a single, divorced, parent, even with a good and caring ex, I did not want to raise another child on my own. That is another decision, I know many women, and men, come to make at a certain age if they find themselves alone and if I didn't have my son, I know I would have chosen to have a child by myself, anyway.
As it was, the years ticked by and I didn't meet the man I really wanted to share my life with until I was 44, had a hysterectomy and was nearing menopause.
Having dealt with and gotten past, our age differences and cultural differences, including Alcy's immigration to Canada and all the adjustments, we felt we were ready to address the issue of having a child together.
Alcy, God Love him, has never thought that I was too old to raise another child. He does not see me as any different in age to him, as I'm sure, anyone who is married to someone of a much different age will understand. The fact remains, however, that a 37 year old parent of a newborn would be considered normal and hardly an eye would bat over it; a 49 year old parent of a newborn is a different story and we might not have decided to go through this if both of us were 49.
I do believe, however, that a 49 year old mother of a newborn is what most people would object to and few would object to a 49 year old father. I have never believed in gender stereotypes, however, so in the end, I decided that there was no reason not to go through with our desire to have a child.
So, after many conversations and many promises on Alcy's behalf to do more than his fare share after the birth in order to make this work, we are on our way to making our hearts desire a reality.
More about where that has led, later; I better go help Alcy with the Christmas decorations now.
First, Alcy is 37, from Cuba and has never had children and as most will understand, this is his greatest desire at this time in his life. However, he chose to marry me, a Canadian, two and a half years ago and at 49 I am not able to have a child. ( As I said, there are controversies) We discussed this many times before we were married and Alcy always stuck to his belief that if God wanted him to have a child, he would have one. Coming from Cuba, Alcy knew nothing about Surrogacy and I never mentioned it to him until later in our marriage; of course he was interested. I tried to get him interested in adoption, but his response was always, "Okay, but after I have my own, biological, child first". I understood his reason, I have a son of my own, who is grown now, 30, and when you're able to reproduce your own genetic material, it is natural to want to do this.
For me, the decision to have a child, any child, at this point in my life was fraught with concerns. I have been there, done that, and although I really would have liked to have had more children, 10 or 15 years ago, I did not have a father in mind then. Having raised my son as a single, divorced, parent, even with a good and caring ex, I did not want to raise another child on my own. That is another decision, I know many women, and men, come to make at a certain age if they find themselves alone and if I didn't have my son, I know I would have chosen to have a child by myself, anyway.
As it was, the years ticked by and I didn't meet the man I really wanted to share my life with until I was 44, had a hysterectomy and was nearing menopause.
Having dealt with and gotten past, our age differences and cultural differences, including Alcy's immigration to Canada and all the adjustments, we felt we were ready to address the issue of having a child together.
Alcy, God Love him, has never thought that I was too old to raise another child. He does not see me as any different in age to him, as I'm sure, anyone who is married to someone of a much different age will understand. The fact remains, however, that a 37 year old parent of a newborn would be considered normal and hardly an eye would bat over it; a 49 year old parent of a newborn is a different story and we might not have decided to go through this if both of us were 49.
I do believe, however, that a 49 year old mother of a newborn is what most people would object to and few would object to a 49 year old father. I have never believed in gender stereotypes, however, so in the end, I decided that there was no reason not to go through with our desire to have a child.
So, after many conversations and many promises on Alcy's behalf to do more than his fare share after the birth in order to make this work, we are on our way to making our hearts desire a reality.
More about where that has led, later; I better go help Alcy with the Christmas decorations now.
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